After the last resort, the ventilator was finally unplugged,
And my body was declared dead.
It was now lying numb,
On the hospital bed.
My entire family was standing around me,
Crying and helpless.
Unbelievingly trying to revive my frame,
Which had now gone lifeless.
I couldn’t feel his warm touch anymore,
Which I loved so much.
It used to flutter my insides to the core.
Couple of hours later,
When all formalities were done,
My husband, Abel, kept my last wish,
And donated my eyes for someone.
I was brought back home,
And wrapped all in white.
Abel couldn’t stop his tears and said,
“Never had I dreamt, I’d see this sight.”
My sons embraced him in a threesome hug,
Together, they cried their lungs out,
They’ll now have to go about.
I saw my loved ones weeping,
And silently cried with them.
I was now an incapable bystander
No more a support, no more their stem.
I worried and sobbed in fear,
How will they live without me?
I know I’m not indispensable,
But they don’t know how to navigate
In my absence you see.
Phone calls were made,
Relatives and friends were informed.
Within minutes, the house was full,
As they walked in, as they all stormed.
The walls of my house resonated
With cries and laments,
Many were fake and feigned,
Real were only my dear ones and my parents.
Is what I heard from a corner,
She was supposed to be a friend,
I was shocked!
Why I always thought she was my warmer?
“It was my age to go and not yours my dear.”
My father was weeping on mom’s shoulder.
“How will Abel and the boys survive?
Is my only fear.”
Gloom had enveloped my home,
And grief stricken was everything around.
I was lost in my own thoughts,
As many questions came flashing in a rebound.
Had I been a good wife, a good mother?
Did I fulfill all my duties?
Before life cheated on me,
And took me away altogether?
I saw Abel walk away to our room,
Wanting to be alone for sometime.
I followed him, as he closed the door,
He clutched my picture to his chest and cried.
“Where have you gone my sunshine?!?”
“There was so much more
I wanted to tell you.
I haven’t loved you enough.
You might think otherwise,
But I know, I’m not that tough.”
I cried with him as he poured his heart out,
I craved to reach out and touch him.
To soothe his shattering soul,
But I couldn’t.
I’m now in darkness to the brim.
My boys were cuddled against their grandparents.
Who was consoling whom,
Was difficult to say.
No one had ever imagined to see this day.
Even after all the rituals were taken care of,
Abel and my sons refused to part with me.
They pleaded and said mournfully,
“Please, just for a little while longer,
Let her be.”
“It’s the last of her, we’ll ever see,
Life is going to be without her anyways
At least today allow us to sit close to her,
And reminisce the past days.”
I whimpered and moaned,
Over my own death,
Not for me, but for my family.
Never realised they loved me so much,
Now we were all going to be lonely.
Eventually with a heavy heart,
The father in Abel took over,
He brought our sons under his wings.
“My dear boys, I’m still there,
Both your father and mother.”
When they lowered me in my casket,
I was finally at peace.
Because I heard Abel say,
“We’ll miss you for eternity my darling,
And I’ll always love you the same way.”
“Don’t you worry about us,
I’ll try and take care of everything
Just the way you did.
Your vacuum can never be filled,
Nonetheless, I’ll give our boys
The life you willed.”
Irrevocably, the earth consumed my body.
But my soul
Will forever remain with my family.
I’m closer to the almighty now,
I’ll keep bribing him with prayers.
And tell him to bless my loved ones
For the rest of their days.
~ Shamim Merchant